Attitude is everything so the saying goes, and if you are one of the many men attempting to stop premature ejaculation it couldn’t be more true. Although a big part of improving your ejaculatory control is developing physical skills to last longer in bed it’s also crucial to have the right mindset. You could say that lasting in bed is 30% mental and 70% physical but that would be an oversimplification because as we will discuss, its not so easy to separate each of these factors.
In next week’s post I’ll be talking about how by training and developing your abilities, knowledge and skills in bed you will be automatically boosting your confidence and optimism because you know you have the newly developed skills that you can put into action. However there are a few simple changes to your perception and the way you think during sex that can start to make a difference right away.
How your thoughts effect your body
The reason why it’s so important to have the right mindset both before and during sex is because what these negative and anxious thoughts do is send subconscious messages into your body telling it to physically tense up. It’s then this physical tensing of the muscles within your body that leads to further tension leading first into your core muscles group and then further down into your pelvic and ejaculatory regions where it goes on to physically trigger you climax and ejaculation. You need to stop this where it starts, not were it finishes which is why it’s so important to regulate your thought to ensure they don’t spark this fire of involuntary tension.
Take it easy
Its easy to start stressing about all the things that might go wrong but you have to put all the right to the back of your mind and lighten up a little. Remember sex should be fun so share a joke with your girl and start thinking about the journey and not just the destination. If you can give yourself a mindset where it’s not a huge problem if you happen to finish early. Once you accept it you are likely to find yourself being more relaxed which in tern will help you actually last longer.
Distract your negative thoughts
There’s a great way to take your mind off negative thoughts and that is to distract yourself, but keep reading because this is not what you think. Surely you have heard the old advice that you should think about baseball or something else nonsexual to take your mind of the arousal. Well there’s a much better way to do it and it is the opposite. Simple focus right in on your partner intensely. And I don’t mean just here erroneous regions but all of her. This is a great method to stop your mind wondering of to those negative thoughts that can be so detrimental.
If you are stressed with work, bills or anything else, you need to get it out of you before you even think about sex otherwise you’ll be destined to fail. Take some time to unwind. Do some deep breathing or even meditation and make sure that you are in the right frame of mind. Make sure the bedroom (or where ever else you have sex) is clean and has a relaxing vibe. Even put some relaxing music on softly in the background. All these little things can help avoid unnecessary stress.
Back up your confidence
The best method however to get the mental side of your game and confidence right is to give yourself reason to have a high level of self believe and the best way to do that is to work on all the physical skills that you can use to develop a superior control of your ejaculation. Author of the program Complete Ejaculation Control Aaron Parker explains at his site that both the mental and physical abilities can be improved at the same time
For example, as you continue to improve your physical control … you will naturally grow more confident and relaxed. This will automatically help you advance your mental control skills, and it also works the other way. As you develop the advanced mental control skills you are about to learn, these skills will make it much easier to develop your physical control exponentially.
I think Aaron makes a great point there. In the past people attempting to treat premature ejaculation tried to separate everything into the mental and physical but I think it’s now clear that you need a combined approach to be successful .
So remember the keys to the right mindset. Lighten up, focus on her to distract negative thoughts, de-stress and set the scene and mood prior to intercourse. I hope you get a chance to try these out soon. Good luck with it!